Friday, February 15, 2013

Crocheting My Life Back: Update 5

The Statistics
Current Weight: 296
Weekly Loss/Total Loss: -1/-4

Squares Allowed: 5
Squares Completed: 0

Thoughts on my weekly change
I'm at a critical place. I really just want to give up. I had myself down 5 pounds (as you can see by earning the 5 squares) but... it went up and now its slowly going down.

I did the stairs once. I worked out at home... I kept my portions in decent control.

And yet I sit here feeling like a huge loser.

I really just don't have the umph right now - I want the umph.. I really do. I look at my body and just think I'm the most disgusting thing on the face of the earth.... and I just can't force myself to the high level of exercise needed to shed this weight as fast as humanly possible.

I dunno - I'm just a bit down over it all. Depression is a difficult battle anyway and then top a few things on top that have my nerves on edge and this is what you get.... a really depressive version of what I don't want to be.

Things I have changed in the last week
I did the stairs. I did a couple work outs at home.

Other than that... I'm still kinda blah about the whole thing.

Things I want to do next week
I want to have a two pound loss. I really do - but I have this fear in the pit of my stomach that says I'll be lucky if it stops at a 2 pound gain.

So next week I want to do the stairs, do more exercise at home, maybe even get in a run through the neighborhood.

Picture Time
No pictures this week as I haven't hit a 10 pound milestone.


Broogie said...

there is a YouTuber named tatianamercedes check out her fat/tub video and her love your body videos. also think about what it is about your body being that size that really makes you angry. for me it was that I feel I have less value because of my size. that somehow I'm worth less. of course that isn't true, but now that I know that I can address it. after that your success or failure exercising wont be.attached to so many complicated things.

sam said...

Cris, you are doing a great job because you did do the stairs, worked out at home, and kept your portions in control!! It's like my mom says, there is always more to do, but you just need to pick one thing and do it so that you'll have accomplished something. Keep it up! :-)

Stefanie Weber said...

No no no, don't get yourself down about this, you are doing amazingly! We all have moments like this. I'm very much the same as you when it comes to how I feel about my body and am constantly in a battle with my own mind about food intake, weight loss, why I'm not losing, why the scales aren't moving. I beat myself up all the time for eating badly, for taking that cookie or ordering pizza instead of salad. All the freaking time. And we shouldn't do that! Don't focus on having to lose those 2 pounds in one week, please, don't focus on those pounds for the next week or two, at least. Keep in mind that you want to be in this for the long haul because you want that blanket done! And a blanket takes a huuuuge amount of time (that's why I still haven't made one...) so you went into this knowing it would take a huuuuge amount of time, right? Don't pressure yourself to lose all the weight you want as fast as you possibly can, you will only set yourself up for disappointment. Focus on the good parts. Focus on the fact that you have made plans to
go for a run next week, and take the stairs, and exercise at home. Baby steps, but they'll get you there!

Sara - momwithahook said...

Cris, I totally feel you. But like Stefanie and Sam said, don't beat yourself up. Easier said than done huh? I updated my post late but it is up. I did not meet my goal either. Cris, one thing I know about you as a crochet blogger is that you finish things. You are pretty good at that. I know you'll finish this and you will find your groove. I wish I was local because I'd totally go on a walk with you even if only around the block. :)

Alden Williams said...

I'm sorry if my comment offended you, I was trying to offer something to you that helped me.

Cris said...

What comment? You haven't said anything to offend me - so no worries :)

Cris said...

Definitely easier said than done :/ Its just one of those weeks where I just want to wake up and be thin. And I know it isn't going to happen overnight and I know its going to be hard to get going and STAY going.... it just sucks :/

Cris said...

Thanks, Sam - I just really struggle when things don't go as planned. And this last week definitely has not gone as planned :(

Cris said...

Thanks, Stefanie - I know you guys are right. I know its not a magic show. I'm not gonna wake up and *poof* be thinner. It just sucks that I let myself get here and its very frustrating when things do not go as I want them too.

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